Hi. I'm Grace. Writer + Survivor + Self & Selfie Lover.
HI! Thank you so much for dropping in. I am genuinely glad you’re here. I’m the head hancho here at BuildaSelfie.com; a lifestyle blog for black women who have a vested interest in survival through radical & highly intentional self-care, self-love & self-development.
I've been called a "selfie queen" many times in my life but this blog is about something much bigger: the power each of us has within us to build ourselves.We have the capacity to build a more peace-filled AND happier life regardless of circumstances through the powerful tools we all ready possess but rarely use. This was a hard, hard lesson for me to finally learn well into my late 30’s. Sigh.
but first, lemme build a selfie...
As for me personally. I follow Jesus. My faith is an integral part of my life. I've been divorced and remarried. I'm a wife living in a beautiful blended family of four with my husband of almost 3 years, Dionne aka "big dogg." Our kiddos are 12, 8, 8 & 2!
After a solid decade of personal strife, the trauma of my marriage was the straw that broke that camels back. In 2017, I began an intense journey towards radical self-care.
I have come a long @$$ way in such a short time.
Here’s why I’m doing this. Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to help other black women survive. I wish I could properly articulate how even as an 8 year old I understood our *particular* vulnerability.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home with a severely verbally abusive brother, a sexually abusive father & a schizophrenic mother amidst poverty and a great deal of racism at Church and home. By the time I was 14, both my father & brother ended up in prison and my mother worsened. 'Ish was unstable. I was in deep, inexplicable grief. I had no idea how these trauma's would eventually affect me but even then, somewhere deep inside, my tiny psyche understood that if I were to survive, it was my responsibility to help other black women survive their families and themselves.
Surviving myself was something that almost didn't happen. I spent many years white-knuckling addictions (money, sex & more). I tried very hard for over 20 years to manage serious bouts of extreme depression, an enormously stressful 1st marriage while living as an Evangelical Christian minister, all the while falling apart...until I eventually imploded.
In a very short time, I lost my career, my ministry and marriage, my home and my retirement account. I almost lost custody of my 2 oldest children, my apartment and eventually I lost all sense of self. I ended up in yet another horrendous relationship, sex addiction rehab and Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings only to follow it up with yet another abuser. (I’ve written a bit more life stuff over on my Patheos blog).
Like I said, I almost didn't survive myself + a series of horrifically painful choices.
Here’s what I want you to know: my journey towards self-love, self-care & self-development comes honestly. Years and years of living with acute stress disorder + bouts of PTSD + depression wrecked any bit of stability I tried to have.
And that's when I made a decision.
As is so often the case: you gotta get sick & tired of being sick & tired. Without extreme intentionality, I truly could not have survived the tumultuous years. Indeed, I would never be able to thrive as I am now.
If you relate to any of this in any way, you’re in the right spot. I write to help other black women survive and thrive despite whatever they've been through. If I can make it out of my circumstances and come through on the other side loving myself, I believe anyone can.
I pray that I will help you to live intentionally, love yourself radically, take care of yourself and develop yourself as the beautiful black woman God created you to be. Above all & before anything else first...